Monisha Tasnim
“Global warming” is a cruel joke played by environmentalists who have none of our interests at heart. The Oxford Dictionary states that an environmentalist is “a person who is concerned about protecting the environment.” Hence, we see what sort of crooks these people are! The past few decades, environmentalists have been relentlessly preaching their beliefs about global warming as they confuse it with climate warming from shifting seasons. These master-manipulators support their logical fallacies using this social construction known as “science” as a backup. There is nothing to “protect” about nature; nature is a self-balancing ecosystem that can defend itself. Hence, the only viable explanation for the rise of such “experts” is this – they are paid to be socialist dis-informants. Who pays them? Some people. Yes.
“Global-warming is an ideology spread by addicted, vegan charlatans whose bodies give away as they lie back, gape at the sky, and fantasize about abolishing capitalism” – this is the concluding sentence of our paper “Environmentalism and You, the Hippie”. Our research methodology is based on a 15-minute conversation with one test subject: Fara, who helped conclude our findings. We found Fara lying on the ground around an apartment complex one summer afternoon. When we approached her, she claimed to be a sage of the Earth and advised us to hug trees every 17 hours and 3 minutes. She believed that this would keep our bodies “nourished”. Hence, through our solid anecdotal evidence, which we feel is objective enough, we have found that the correlation between recreational drug use and environmental activism is exceptionally high.
We hypothesize that the hippies of the likes of Fara fight against their dwindling levels of savings from addictive drug use through a sinister method. They persevere to be mouthpieces of the people who fund them! We must take back control before they all take our fossil fuels away! Time is short, and for now, we should focus on how such misrepresentation can occur, which can at times be easy to achieve. For example, NASA’s GISTEMP Team simply kept up with a global warming data graph since 1880, and they have shown that 2020 was the warmest year since. However, full conformity to such data can have hazardous outcomes. We need to be aware of when the socialists come to ravage us with carbon taxes.
Knowledge in the wrong hands can become a power of manipulation to the point where an entire planet can become manipulated. This is why the masses observe Earth Day for some practice of intra-planetary consciousness. Hence, we must turn to news outlets that have no government nor corporation funding- one such newsletter being The Onion, a rare unbiased news source where one can look at balanced reporting from all sides, leaving no stones unturned. One sceptic told The Onion that “at least 70 percent of all islands on the planet” is required to be submerged before they “reconsider their beliefs”, while another US Skeptic wisely questioned that if mass production was causing so much harm elsewhere, “Why aren’t the streets littered with human bodies right now..?” Reading this, one cannot help but shed a tear knowing all hope is not lost.
The media constantly tries to move our focus away from the bigger, more influential people and ask us instead to practice the ‘3R’s – Recycle, Reduce, & Recycle. All while the media also markets for us to consume more than we need to. Compared to the MNC’s mass landfill of pollutants, global-warming believers are left with trinkets of waste to practice our 3R’s on. Hence, unlike us global-warming deniers, the vast majority of the population does not think critically and consider all sides of an issue. Post-Marxist global-warming believer, Slavoj Zizek, reminds us that through “frantic obsessive activity,” the environmentally-conscious people become blind to the long term goal; they do not often begin with changing their own lifestyles, thus, allowing “postmodern ethical capitalism” to continue. Zizek elaborated on many theories in his book and we know nothing about them. He believes in global-warming, unfortunately, but that is beside the point. The main issue that concerns us is how this theory of “global warming” is, in fact, sad.
In conclusion, now that we have covered all the essential rudiments of the global-warming agenda, allowing for some finger-pointing at the hypocrisy of global-warming believers, we hope that people learn to relax more since the worst that could happen is already at play. However, if they instead decide to engage in more intellectual responsibility, our suggestion would be to start with this idea – stop making scapegoats out of humans; solar orbital patterns are to blame for summery days!
Works Cited:
GISTEMP Team. “NASA/GISS.” NASA, United States Congress, data.giss.nasa.gov/gistemp/graphs/graph_data/Global_Mean_Estimates_based_on_Land_and_Ocean_Data/graph.txt.
The Onion. “Climate Change Deniers Present Graphic Description Of What Earth Must Look Like For Them To Believe.” The Onion, The Onion, 18 Oct. 2017, www.theonion.com/climate-change-deniers-present-graphic-description-of-w-1819578104.
Oxford Dictionary of English, “Environmentalist.”, Google Books, books.google.com.bd/books?id=anecAQAAQBAJ&pg=PA587.
Zizek, Slavoj. Living in the End Times, London; New York, 2011, books.google.com.bd/books?id=MIz6BPT23Q4C&pg=PA423.