by Sanzida Alam

I have always been afraid of the dark. I hated nights, cloudy skies, thunderstorms, and dusk. They reminded me of the monster that used to live under my bed. Although, I have never seen it– I have heard it from my mom that If I don’t be a good girl and sleep early, the monster will come out and hunt me down. My mom said, the monster only come out at night, they love darkness. And I hated darkness. 

One thousand five hundred forty-three, one thousand five hundred forty-two  25 minutes to be exact. 25 minutes since I have been locked up in this cold, dark cell. I have no memory of how I ended up here. The cell walls are damp and covered in moss, and on the right side is a small, barred window that barely allows the outside light to enter the cell room. I tried to make sense of my surroundings but I could not. I tried to think of many things but fear and confusion dripped through my heart, and darkness and coldness started to take over my body. And before I realized I started to howl helplessly tears fell down my face as I was scared of the darkness. 

I’m not crazy. 

I’m not insane. 

I’m not psychotic. I’m just lost. Lost in the darkness. 

That’s what I kept telling myself. 

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and my imprisonment continued. I was still terrified of the darkness I was getting used to the darkness. It’s been an eternity It’s been 5 months,7 days, 5 hours, and 13 minutes– to be precise– that I’ve been imprisoned in here. It’s been forever It’s been 5 months,7 days, 5 hours, and 13 minutes– to be precise– that I haven’t seen another human being. Or had the privilege to touch or feel the warmth of a human body. It’s been an eternity It’s been 5 months,7 days, 5 hours, and 13 minutes– to be precise– that I haven’t uttered a single word. I don’t even know if my vocal cord will produce any phonic or sound. The only thing I’m sure of is that my ears are working fine, as I can sometimes hear footsteps passing by my cell, breaking the monotony of my existence. I’m glad I’m not alone. I’m glad to know at least one of my sense organs is working fine. 

I peek through the window, every day. The world outside is nothing like what it used to be. The sky that once used to be blue is now covered in smog –it’s black and dark. The environment that was once covered in trees, and flowers; now looks like a void desert. There is no single shade of green as long as my eye could see. I wonder what went wrong. The world that was once covered in blue and green is now turned into dust and smog. I wonder what happened to the world that I used to live in. To the grass that covered the surface of our earth, to the flowers that bloomed in spring, to the trees that had green leaves, to the blue sky that had thousands of birds flying in it– happily, freely. I wonder if I will ever get the answer to these questions. 

In my head, the world I know looks like this: 

Suddenly, I heard someone coming closer to my cell. I can tell because I can hear footsteps coming closer. The sound was distant at first but now I could hear it coming closer and closer. 

“Get up. We are going out of the cell now” the voice said. 

“Where?” I asked. 

The voice was so sharp that I could sense his irritation “You will get to know in a bit. Now be a good girl and follow my lead”. And there I was following an unknown man hoping he would lead me to light. I kept on looking around. I could see nothing but damp and mossy walls surrounding the dome-shaped building. We reached a point that looked like a hallway that is connected to a large room and heard the man say “You shall receive your judgment here” and before I could ask any questions the man went invisible. And there I was, all alone. 

The man came back after a few minutes and asked him to follow him. I started to ask him a lot of questions like:

“Why am I here? What are you going to do with me? When can I go back home? Where 

are my parents? Where are you taking me?” and the only answer to all the questions I 

received was “You are going to get what you deserve, just like the others”. 

I was left speechless. I did not dare to ask any more questions because I was terrified thought it would be rude if I ask questions. So I kept on following him and ended up in a new cell. The new cell is very different from where I was kept previously. This new cell is 10 times bigger, has windows, washrooms, a water tap, and …… 

And a hundred different pieces of equipment that one would usually find in a hospital– to be precise–  in an operation theater. But what surprised me the most is that apart from the setting of an operating theatre, the cell has another sector that contained all kinds of ancient equipment that were used to punish criminals in the medieval era. And the cell looked like this: 

“Welcome to your judgment day.” the voice said. 

‘What day?” 

‘Your judgment day!”

‘Sorry, I’m not understanding what you are trying to say, sir.” I looked at him with terror  

in my eyes. My heart started to beat too fast it felt as if I’m about to explode any time. 

“Well, let me make things clear. YOU ARE DEAD. ALL THE HUMANITIES ARE 

DEAD. It’s because you all have polluted mother nature to a level that the spirit of 

mature nature has collied. And without the earth being in its place affected the overall 

solar system. Well, we requested the spirit of mother earth to reincarnate as soon as 

possible, but she refused. She said she would only be re-born again once all the human beings are punished for damaging and polluting the sky, trees, soil, ocean, and earth in total. So, you are here in this cell to get your punishment reward for your deeds. I hope you are clear”. 

And before I could express any of my emotions, the guy started to pull me towards the operating table and I heard him saying “I’ll be performing flaying”. Flaying—or skinning—was perhaps the most painful of all ancient world execution methods. As far as my memory can recall, it’s a slow punishment process where the victim is first stripped. After this, the executioner would begin peeling away the individual’s skin with a sharp blade, often starting with the head as this area would inflict the most suffering due to the victim still being conscious. Even thinking of the process started to send a chill in my bones. 

Please let me go. 

I’m sorry. 

Please forgive me. 

I wanted to say a lot of the things but not a single word came out of my mouth. It’s as if my vocal has lost their voice. All I could do was watch him dragging me towards hell, for my deeds. For the things that I have done to pollute and harm mother nature when I was alive. For not being sincere, for not caring about the earth when I still had time. I started to cry so badly that my eyes started to lose their vision. I could see him appearing towards me with a sharp knife. I wanted to move, I wanted to move so bad but my body was locked up in such a way that I could not move muscles even if I wanted to. Just when he was about to place the sharp knife in my head I finally was able to let out a cry. I screamed so loud that all I could see was darkness. I think I’m about to die. 

I woke up to a familiar voice. It is the voice of my mother. I opened my eyes to see her eyes sparkling with tension. What a view. I kept looking at her face thinking this is what heaven looks like. Maybe, I’m in heaven. But before I had the courage to speak, my mother said “did you have a nightmare?”. 

5 words. All it took was these 5 words from my mother to ensure me that I was having a nightmare.