By Sumaiya Swati Udita

Jainab Tabassum Banu is currently pursuing her PhD in the Department of English at North Dakota State University.

When MUSE approached me with the request to describe who I am and what I have experienced, I got confused. Identity is fluid and flexible. Currently, I would like to describe myself as an international female graduate student and teaching assistant, of color. I am doing my PhD in Rhetoric, Writing and Culture at North Dakota State University. This university is known to many Bangladeshis because of our eminent writer Humayun Ahmed! He is our alumnus. Before coming to the US, I worked as an Assistant Professor of English at Premier University, Chattogram. Although I am on study leave now formally, in reality, I am  actually teaching two sections of a writing course, while taking three graduate courses with my professors. This is a familiar experience for me. I was a TA at ULAB, where I was fully loaded with courses and dissertation, while dealing with students and departmental activities. My dual role prepared me for facing my current situation with confidence and ease. DEH built my confidence to voice my choices.

However, was it really my choice to get admitted to ULAB? I was a first-year student in the Department of English at East West University. Due to my outstanding academic score and excellent performance in the Spoken English course, I became a UTA and shortly fell in love with my now-husband. We got married. I moved to Dhanmondi, and EWU moved to Aftabnagar. It was difficult for me to go there in the scorching heat of the summer sun. My father-in-law suggested that I transfer my credits to ULAB. Thus, a new academic life in Dhanmondi campus began. 

I was married and had to balance my studies and home life. Meanwhile, I had a massive crisis in my personal life. However, surviving in an academic place like DEH was not difficult at all. My teachers always treated me as an individual. Instead of judging me for the broken pieces, they helped me restore myself. I spent hours talking about my torments and sense of unworthiness to Shaheen Ara madam. She paid attention to my cries and motivated me to nourish myself. Shamsad Mortuza sir and Nadia Rahman madam always kept me busy with both academic and non-academic programs. They know how to bring the best out of their students, and they helped me find my innate worthiness. They believed in me! Respected faculty member Shahnewaz Kabir would assign me writing and editing tasks for MUSE. I was a phoenix who rose from the ashes and flew high. The sky was my limit. I had confidence in my wings because my teachers and friends continuously weaved and added strong and powerful features to them. I learned that you just need a supportive and positive environment to grow! 

I performed in every single program arranged by DEH and ULAB and made the platform my queendom. I achieved the Dean’s award and VC’s scholarship for my outstanding academic performance. The way our teachers taught us helped me discover my third eye and see the world with it. Gradually, I became conscientious, compassionate, tolerant, and had an open perspective. I realized that teachers just do not teach, they change lives!

By the time I graduated, I became pregnant for the first time. He was six months old when I joined the MA program in English Literature and Cultural Studies. Unfortunately, sometime around the second semester, my son got hospitalized. I thought I would not be able to continue my studies, and obviously my son’s health was my priority. Arifa madam (currently the Chair, the then coordinator of the MA program) tested me and inspired me to strive. I took her suggestion and reached out to Shamsad sir, Fakrul sir, Azfar sir and Zayed sir. All of them said: “Take your time. Take care of your son. Then get back to the class when he feels better”. I will never forget these words. My family has always been supportive, but without the green signal from my teachers, I could not have continued the valorous journey. Students always remember the treatment from their teachers, especially during crises. 

I passed my MA with flying colors and took a year break, due to having two toddlers. I resumed by joining Premier University as a Lecturer in English. Real learning begins when you are in the real world. I remember, when I was about to enter my first-ever teaching class, I recalled how Azfar sir taught us. He is a performative teacher. He performs as he teaches. No doubt, he is my pedagogical guru. My Azfarian way of teaching was influenced by the styles of Fakrul sir, Sarwar sir, Kaiser sir, Shamsad sir and Salimullah sir. I acquired a combination of all these amazing teachers. Every time I attempt to write a research paper, I remember Arifa madam’s Research Methodology class; how beautifully she taught us to write an annotated bibliography which is the first step of writing a research paper. This lesson helped me at NDSU too. When everyone (domestic and international) was confused, I confidently accomplished the assignment. YAY! 

I never stopped writing. I used to write poetry, but DEH helped me fall in love with critical writing. I became a columnist because I realized that my opinion and perspective mattered. I became a researcher because I believed I had something to contribute to the knowledge system. I will continue to be in the process of becoming a scholar, and that’s what I saw in my teachers. 

Dear juniors, a few words for you. You are in a non-judgmental academic environment, where every single teacher works to bring the best out of you. You just need to give it a try. Once Azfar sir told me, “read, write, speak and think every single day”. Trust me, it is the most valuable advice that will change your life as a scholar and of course, as a researcher. Never hesitate to reach out to your teachers and clear your confusions. Always believe in yourself and the enormous capacity you have. Be whatever you want, and do whatever you want. Mst importantly, act responsibly. Own your own voice and use it for the betterment of the world around you. 

I wish DEH all the best. DEH is and will remain my love. I always have a dream to serve my mother-institution. And I will do it in any way possible. Much love!