Nusrat Swarna

Dear Mom,

I am really thankful to have you as my Mom. I also want to tell you how much you mean for me. I can’t imagine my life without you.

A married woman soon I will be, Mom. Will it be easy for you to see me get married? You have been my morning alarm for the last 21 years. How could you think that your daughter can start her mornings without her Mother! I may get a new alarm clock but that can’t dare to be a replacement of you. You are not only my early bird, you are my reason to start in the morning.

Will it be easy for you when I leave everyone behind with eyes full of tears? There won’t be anyone to hide my mistakes from if I make any. There won’t be any you to defend me in front of the public. You are the person who stood by me 24 hours a day. You are the one who knows what I like and what I dislike, but now there won’t be anyone to care.

I wish, Mom, I could hug you and tell you how much I love you. Unfortunately, I never got to do that because of the shyness I still hold onto for my dear life.

Mom, do you know that nowadays every night I shed tears by thinking of the only few days I will be with you and that I will have to move on with someone else at a different home in no time? I don’t know how I would manage to live without you. When the night falls I put my head on the pillow and shed tears, having flashbacks of the old days — days when I could not stand you for petty reasons. Sometimes I did not listen to you. Sometimes I lied to you. Sometimes I did things that you strictly forbade me to do. Can you forgive me now that I will be gone and won’t be there to get into mischief?

What can I say other than thank you from the core of my heart, Mom, for everything you did for me?

Mom, you are the strongest women I have ever seen. Today whatever I am is only because of you. I have never really said it out loud to you but you are my first love that will last forever. I feel blessed to have you as my Mom. When I think of you, so many different memories come to my mind at a time, giving me the sensation of taking a deep plunge into a sea full of bygone happenings –memories that will live in my head and heart for a lifetime! I wish, Mom, I could be your child again and start my journey of life from the beginning.

There are only a few days left for me to be with you. I feel like sleeping beside you every night and sharing all the stories I have to tell all night long. But then again, I hesitate. I can’t put the right words together to express the gratefulness and unfettered appreciation I feel for you. Neither can I muster the courage to say the simple word ‘thanks’ that I would love to say for every single sleepless night you spent, taking care of me.

When I was a child you used to say that you won’t let me go away from your heart. Then, Mom why do you let go of me now? I don’t want to leave. I am unable to stop time as the hours are flying very fast, like the grains in an unkind sand-clock. Don’t you see that I am dying to say how much I love you and that I don’t want to leave you behind?

I will miss you when you push me to go to my in-laws’ house. I can’t help but wonder why it has to be with the girls! Why do only girls have to leave their maternal home, their birthplace, the place of their dreams and lifelong attachment? Seems unjust.

Anyways, to sum up, I could not sleep peacefully last night until I got up and put down the words that I was mulling around in my head. I just want to thank you, Mom, for everything you did for me. I don’t know if you will ever come across this letter but even if you don’t, it will remain forever as a token of my gratitude for the things I wasn’t bold enough to say, wise enough to see, strong enough to believe.

Sincerely

-Your daughter